Tuesday, September 27th
41 Weeks and 5 days pregnant!
I spent the day at the birthing center.
Andrew and I had been walking around the neighborhood every single night for the last few weeks…increasingly so as the pregnancy kept going…past my due date…a week past my due date…a week and half past my due date. At this point I was about 41 weeks and 5 days….or according to this new EDD I was 41 weeks and 2 days…which was it? I wasn’t sure…but I knew for sure I would go into labor before they sent me to the hospital. At the same time I was giving in to knowing that perhaps I would have to have a hospital birth.
As opposed as I was to this I knew it was something that may happen and ultimately who cared…as long as I got my baby girl and she was healthy and happy.
Tuesday morning we went in to have an ultrasound that would measure the amniotic fluid surrounding the baby, check the baby’s breathing and movements. We ended up being there most of the morning as the baby was sleeping and not moving as much as the ultrasound tech needed to capture. I drank lemonade and ate a snack but the baby still slept. Eventually we all broke for lunch and I headed to Subway, grabbed some lunch and ate it in the car in the parking lot of the birthing center. (sweet memory…the last time I went and bought and ate lunch alone!) Andrew went back to work for a few. We met back up with the technician after lunch to try again. This time she had me stand up and do some toe touches and move around. She was sweet and we laughed while we did “calisthenics” together. Finally, it worked and she got the movement she needed to see.
I got home that day and the weather got kind of crazy…it looked like we were going to have a storm. (odd as we had been in a major, exceptional drought all summer). The clouds and sky looked threatening and it did sprinkle a little- but never any storm. I drove up to one of the schools we teach dance at to take care of something, ran to the grocery store and bought cookie dough and frozen pizza (hey, I was 42 weeks pregnant!), and then drove home. I got a call from Charlotte, one of the midwives at the birthing center. She basically told me that everything Joan had told me about having more time was not to be considered. I was to come in first thing in the morning and they were going to do all they could to get my labor started (breastpump, walking, Castor oil milkshake!, etc.) and if it didn’t work I would be admitted to the hospital to be induced that evening. Ugh! I was p****d! This is not what I wanted BUT there was a part of me that was incredibly excited as I knew no matter what….I was going to be having this baby in the next day or two!
Andrew got home from work. We watched the Biggest Loser while I used the breastpump, alternating with walks around the neighborhood 15 minutes a piece. We did this for a full hour, then did what everyone tells you to do to make labor start… I took a bath and begged the baby to come out, begged God to make the baby come out and then went to lie in bed and listen to my Hypnobabies soundtracks while Andrew went upstairs to be on the computer for a while. I turned out the lights and rolled onto my side (the only place to be).
Immediately I started having contractions. Very low, they were feeling like some that I had been having the last couple of days but I didn’t even know they were contractions as they felt so different from what I expected…and so different from the Braxton Hicks contrax I had been experiencing for the past few weeks. Just a feeling of pressure on my pelvic bones.
They immediately started coming rhythmically…every 15 minutes, then every 10 minutes…I lay in bed and was listening to relaxing hypnosis on my ipod. It was a magical time as I was pretty sure I was going into labor but hadn’t told anyone yet. I waited about 45 minutes or so and then went upstairs to tell Andrew what was going on. Very quickly my contractions turned to 5 minutes apart. Andrew came downstairs with me and we noticed pretty quickly that they started getting more intense and coming quickly very fast.
September 28, 2011
I called my doula Michelle and told her what was happening…I think this was around midnight or so. I told her to go to sleep and I would be in touch. As soon as I got off the phone with her Andrew and I realized that the contractions were already coming about a minute and a half apart. Everything we had learned told us that at this point I should already be going into the birthing center. We knew it was too early for this. Where was my putsy putsy time of labor? (That’s what they talked about in our birthing class..that things would start out slow and we should get some sleep or watch a movie…ha ha ha!) This was not going to happen this way for me.
We called the birthing center and got a call back from one of my favorite midwives, Roswitha. She said she would like for us to come in…probably not to stay but just to see how the baby was responding to the contractions and to be sure that my labor was making me progress. We packed everything up just in case we were told to stay and got in the car for an eventful ride to the birthing center.
The center is only about 10 minutes from our house but ten minutes is very long when you are having contractions every minute or so. I am not sure but I think I was still more or less talking during contractions at this point.
We made it there. It was rather magical getting there. At this point it was about 3am. Roswitha came outside and met us at the front door. We followed her into the birthing center. It was empty and quiet and rather dark. Such a strange feeling to be there in the middle of the night. Roswitha checked me and I was dilated to a 2. I was elated at this news…which sounds odd to me now but I was just so glad that I was making progress! At this point in the night I had been in labor for about 4 hours but it honestly felt like an hour. It had all gone by so quickly.
I was contracting very quickly and not getting much of a break. At this point I was still quiet between contractions that I can recall. I would drop to the ground for each contraction and then come out of it and be ok. Roswitha said the contractions were probably coming so quickly because of the inducing herbs I had been taking. She gave me a drink of some other herbs that would help to regulate and slow down my contractions a bit so my labor would progress more normally. She sent us home, told me to get in the tub and try to get some rest. Of course I had many contractions on the way home but I vividly recall having them at two separate stop lights. Andrew drove straight through the second one that was closest to our house and I was so glad. I think things were getting a bit more intense at this point. I was no longer quiet. I had started the sounds I would make for the next 12 hours or so! It was not a scream but an “Ah! Ah! Ah!” throughout each contraction. It was controlled mostly and the only way I could get through them. It was almost sort of a meditation. I think I would have really lost it if I hadn’t been vocalizing through each contraction. With that said, the way I handled contractions was not something I consciously decided to do…it was all instinct. I was a woman in labor…no longer me deciding the game.
We got home and Andrew was under the impression that I would get in the tub and he would rest. We both thought my contractions would slow down – as that is what Roswitha had told us. Boy were we wrong. I remember getting in the tub and Andrew helping me and then going into the bedroom to rest. That didn’t last long. The tub experience was not helpful – things were just progressing…getting more intense, lasting longer, etc. We labored together for a while. I got out of the tub….I leaned on Andrew…I think I may have lay in the bed for a while. Then we decided to call the doula over. It was funny how I just knew when I needed her here. Suddenly things were just getting so intense and I just knew I needed more help. This was around 6am as I recall. I had been in labor for about 7 hours at this point, but it was flying by!
Having the doula here at first was hard. Andrew and I had gotten into a good rhythm and I felt that I was in a good swing of handling each contraction. She (doing her job) was recommended new positions to me and suggesting I rely on her and unfortunately these new ways were not doing it for me. Looking back on it, as much as the doula was not supposed to do this, I think it did detract a bit from Andrew and I experiencing the birth together once she arrived. He had been my partner and my coach and he took more of a back seat once she arrived.
I ended up getting back in the tub. It is funny as I remember asking Michelle, the doula, to leave as I got naked and got into the tub. I was fine with her coming right back in. This is funny as from that time after I asked her to leave to the 5 minutes later when she returned I was pretty much naked from then on and didn’t give a crap who was there to see!
I really don’t recall why it was decided that we should go to the birthing center. The time that Michelle got to our house to the time we left was extremely fast – probably about 2 hours and it is completely blurred in my memory. I hardly remember it at all…just flashes here and there. I do believe I was in the tub though when we decided to leave. Thinking back on my entire labor –the tub was definitely where I spent the majority of it. The warm water was soothing and relaxing and just felt like the right place to be.
Oddly I had read and heard from many sources that many women like to labor on the toilet. This had always made sense to me as well. Your body is able to relax and open up easily. During my actual labor though the toilet was a place I learned to fear! It was sooooo painful to sit there. I could NOT do it. I ended up peeing in the bath water. What did I care. It was truly all about survival. : )
We left for the birth center around 8:15 am. I recall the contractions were getting pretty intense at this point but I also know I was still talking about life in between and laughing, smiling, etc. I kept telling Andrew to remember to put the key under the mat so the maid could come while we were gone, I worried about the cats, I worried about what the neighbors would think when I had to squat to the ground on the sidewalk in front of my house on our way out to the car.
We got in the car and I instantly freaked. I had once again gotten into a good routine of handling each of my contractions. What position would I possibly be able to put my poor laboring body into in the front seat of a little Mazda 3?! Michelle got into her car and Andrew and I into mine. We put the trashcan from our guest bathroom on the floor of the front seat as I had been feeling a little nauseous. The back seat was not a place I could go as the baby’s car seat was smack dab in the middle.
As soon as Andrew started backing out of the driveway a contraction came on. I yelled, “STOP!” And so he did. I didn’t think we could do it. How was I going to take this ride to the birthing center. I kept saying “There is no place for me to be!!!” There really wasn’t. I couldn’t do what I needed to do with my body in the front seat of that car during a contraction. But somehow we just made it through….at 8:15 on a Wednesday morning…going down Parmer Lane in Northwest Austin during rush hour traffic. Oh jeez! I remember arriving at the stoplight at Parmer and McNeil and being about 20 cars back. Truly it was horrendous but luckily not toooooo long of a drive.
We got to the birthing center and were rushed into the birthing side of the center. I felt instantly special and excited. We were here! I was going to get to have the baby at the birthing center. Roswitha was there (I had hoped she would be) and led us into the room I had envisioned we would have the baby in. I was elated and told everyone how excited and grateful I was and how I had visualized giving birth in this exact room! Roswitha checked my dilation and I was at a 5. I was so excited by this news! Funny, as at this point I was 9 hours into my labor but it was going by so fast!
I got off the bed stripped off my clothes and jumped right into the tub. Things were still bearable at this point. Painful, intense, but compared to what was to
come, completely do-able!!! : )
Things quickly progressed once again and started to take on a whole new level. The midwife (Samantha was my attending from about 10 minutes after my arrival until the birth of the baby) asked me at one point if I would go to the toilet and try to pee. I was terrified as I knew how painful this would be but she talked me into it. It hurt like hell. I didn’t sit there for long. Then they suggested I stay in the shower ( it was a huge walk in shower) and sit on a birthing ball while Andrew sprayed the shower on my back. This is when things really got tough and I believe this was around 10:30am.
It really got hard at this point and that is all I can remember now. I had a breakdown at one point where I Just started sobbing. It was completely cathartic. I wasn’t crying because of the pain or because of labor. I just started crying and couldn’t stop. It was a good cleansing cry and I needed it…it felt wonderful. I am not sure I have ever cried like that in my entire life and I have certainly had a cry or two in my day. I remember Samantha deciding I needed to calm down and me thinking, “no I don’t, this cry feels amazing”…but I did as their thoughts made me conscious I wasn’t alone. They gave me some homeopathic medicine to calm my nerves although I still look back on that moment and think it didn’t need calming. It was a beautiful moment for me in my labor.
At some point the midwife or the doula asked me if I would like to get back in the tub. At this point I was no longer talking or laughing or smiling in between contractions. Contractions had become incredibly intense and very painful. I was not making eye contact with anyone anymore. I did not want to talk to anyone or look at anyone. I was just inside of myself, in the thick of this intense experience of pain and literally feeling my body opening up to allow a baby to pass through.
I did end up getting back into the tub at this point. I was in so much pain at this point. I kept asking if I was in transition as I was told and had read transition was quick – it would last 15 minutes to an hour max and was full of unbearable pain. Unfortunately for me, it lasted about 5 hours. The contractions were so intense. At times they would come right on top of the other…I would start to come down from one and another one would instantly begin.
The midwife checked me and I was at around a 7 or 8. Good Lord, when would this ever end? This was around 11:30am. I started looking up occasionally with so much desperation. The people that were there with me, my husband, my doula, my midwife….there was nothing they could do to help me and I knew that. Thank God they were there though. I wanted to not be alone but I also knew they could do nothing for me. They would occasionally bring me down if my breathing and/or vocalizing got too out of control. I felt like a strange sea animal in the tub. The bathtub I was in was enormous and had two handles on one side. I held on to both throughout my labor and just swished myself back and forth, back and forth.
I became very exhausted between contractions at this point. I think the space between them may have gotten a little longer at times as I would actually feel myself start to fall asleep in between the contractions. It was the most restful, exhausted sleep of my life.
I remember thinking I never knew that pain like this existed. I had never fathomed or imagined that pain like this existed. I knew there was no pain relief at the birthing center but I asked anyways, is there ANYTHING you can give me? And lo and behold there was. Some kind of a shot. I wanted it….an hour ago! Looking back at my chart this happened around 12:10pm …I was dilated to an 8. Once I knew I could have it, I hesitated. I had wanted to do this all natural. I wanted to keep drugs out of my system and away from my baby. But I had been in transition at this point for hours already and was still only at an 8. Someone telling me they had something that could “take the edge off” was something I couldn’t deny myself. At this point I was 12 hours into my labor.
The midwife went and got the shot and gave it to me. I instantly felt very sleepy. I climbed out of the tub and got into bed. I fell into a beautiful sleep. Most of my labor I continuously requested that they play an album from my ipod of beautiful relaxing piano music. As I lay on the bed half aware I could hear the piano music, I felt relief, I felt rest, I felt I could breathe again. My husband laid down beside me. I slept in between contractions and awoke with each one to yell, “Ah! Ah! Ah!” as I had my whole labor. I would pass back out after each contraction. The respite lasted around 45 minutes and then the horrendous contractions from hell returned.
At some point the midwife asked me if I had peed recently. I had not and couldn’t., I tried to in the tub and I just couldn’t do it. They wanted me to pee as a full bladder would slow my labor. She had me get out and walk to the toilet. Every time they asked me to change positions it would take me at least 5 minutes or so for them to convince me. I would get into such a rhythm of dealing with it all I never wanted to move. I also once again did not want to experience the pain of the toilet. I tried and couldn’t go and the midwife told me if I didn’t go she would have to catheterize me. This sounded great to me- ha ha…just get the urine out! Funny thing is, I stupidly forgot about contractions…oh yeah, contractions during being catheterized…not so grand. They had me get on the bed and lay down…no problem but then a contraction came. I said, take it out, take it out! They couldn’t of course. I lay there not being able to move during a horrendous transitional contraction with a catheter in me. I felt like I was being pinned to the bed and tortured. Once this was done the midwife asked me if I wanted her to break my water. She said it may help to speed things up. The thought that things would get more intense scared the hell out of me…could it get more intense than what I was already experiencing? I asked and reasoned with myself that eventually I would have to go the new level of intensity regardless so I may as well go for it. I finally said ok as I had been in labor for so long at this point already and had been stuck in transition for quite a while. This was around 2pm.
I got back in the tub. I was told I was at about a 9.5. There was a bit of cervix that was not getting out of the way.
Soon thereafter (around 2:50 according to the notes) my body began to push. It was pushing – the biggest push of my life and I wasn’t doing it…I had no control over it. It was intense and with it I let out a yell that was probably heard around the world! The midwife told me not to push! Ha! I was not yet a 10 so don’t push! The midwife and the doula told me to breathe through each pushing contraction. It was so hard. I screamed, I cried, I tried to breathe and tried not to push. I was a little scared to let my body push. I figured if I let the baby come out when I was not fully dilated I could tear my cervix.
Finally the midwife had an idea. According to my birthing notes this was at 3:45…I had no idea this had gone on an hour! She had me get out of the tub and told me to push with the next contraction while she pushed the cervix out of the way to see if that would result in full dilation. We did it and it worked!!! IT WORKED!!! I lay on the bed and cried and thanked God. Transition was over. And so amazingly immediately the contractions felt different. There was no more horrendous pain any longer. I don’t remember the contractions very well that happened when I was pushing. I remember not really being sure when they were coming. They felt so completely different from what I had been experiencing for the last ahem…16 hours!
As I lay on the bed, my husband lay beside me cradling me in his arms. My doula was on the other side and the midwife and two birth assistants.
I pushed as though my life depended on it. It was sooo uncomfortable to feel that head coming down and out. Wowza! But truly uncomfortable was nothing compared to the pain I had been experiencing and I knew this was it! I was almost done! It really does feel like a head coming out of you – there is no doubt that is what is happening! Ha! I also distinctly remember reaching down to feel the baby’s head as it was coming out. What a feeling! Her soft, wet, hairy little baby head!
I wish I could say I remembered it all better, the moment the baby was born. I remember the relief of feeling her come out. I remember her little body being lain on my chest. I remember seeing that unfamiliar face for the first time – the face I now know and love so much. It was a strange feeling. The whole experience had been traumatizing to say the least….and then this, a beautiful child given to me! Amazing.
The midwives immediately helped the baby to latch on to my breast. What an odd feeling the first time you breastfeed your infant. Funny but my first thought at this was oh my gosh – I have more work I have to do? My brain jumped ahead to realizing that after all this I was not going to just go home and chill – we had a job ahead of us now! May not sound like the sweetest thing to have thought – but that is honesty ;)
It is funny now as I sit here and type this, my sweet Adelaide is 5 months old (and now editing it as she is 6 months old!). I remember the little pea pod she was when she was first born. She was a very instinctual animal, not much personality yet…just a baby with needs. Wow how that all changes so incredibly quickly! J
The baby stayed latched on for quite a while and laid on my chest for almost 2 hours after the birth. She was born at 4:42pm, September 28, 2011. Around 7 the birth assistants gave her a bath and weighed her. This was all done right next to the bed that I was still lying in. I remember the atmosphere of the room – the feeling of excitement. She was here! It is funny as I recall that day – it seems completely surreal…did it really happen? I am so sad we didn’t take any videos of those first few hours together as a family, but we did get some good pictures.
I was honestly a bit traumatized by the experience for a few weeks….the first few days were the hardest. If I hadn’t gotten a baby out of the situation I would have been truly traumatized. Birth is no joke! But as cliché as it sounds, it is worth every second tenfold for the joy and love I have experienced being a mama to my sweet sweet baby girl. And as they say…you forget the pain…you really do…but I will never forget the joy and love that was brought to me on this magical day.
No comments:
Post a Comment